Because, it is a … it evolved into asking his permission and then hers, and now finally is done as a mark of respect to the parents/father. The last thing you want to have happen is an additional strain to … so ask her father for his blessings, and how much you cherish his daughter [your gf] “ Personally, I don’t think asking for permission is relevant anymore. Today, I’m focusing on one tradition that has slowly faded: asking her father’s permission … The marriage, house, baby order rarely happens these days. In today's modern world, couples often discuss marriage together, coming to a mutual agreement rather than a formal proposal. Even recently, an Old Wykehamist friend was advised by his intended to turn up with his bank statements for her father to scrutinise. By accepting the coin, the father has given the groom permission to marry his daughter. In the South, we like to keep some traditions alive, even when the rest of the country tosses them out the window.Parents, and especially fathers, still fully expect for a man to ask his (or both parents) permission before proposing to his daughter, and most Southern guys are more than willing to undergo a certain amount of grilling in order to earn that permission. because if you both have made your mind up that your getting married, dont let her father make that not happen. Back then the decision was up to the bride’s father and not the bride. First comes love, then comes marriage… but in between, there’s a whole lot of traditions and decisions. The father would then present his daughter’s hand to be joined in marriage. So, why is it that some men still feel the need to ask a father's permission to marry his daughter? i think you should talk to her father and not ask him for permission, but for his blessings. One of the oldest rules of Proposal Etiquette 101 is for the groom to ask the bride-to-be’s father for permission to get married. Other customs of initiating a marriage may include formal introduction of the partners to each other, such as the Japanese traditional custom of Miai. In many cultures it is traditional for a man to ask permission from a woman's father, in private, before proposing to her, or if her father has already died and she is still young, to ask permission of a near relation of hers. Asking a father’s permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage is one of them. Then, men had … The ancient tradition of asking a woman’s parents for her hand in marriage can have significant importance to your daughter, especially if she is Christian. Here's a modern girl's take on the tradition: how to ask her dad for his blessing — in a way that's right for HER. Asking a father’s permission doesn’t make sense any more. It’s no surprise by now to say that many traditions surrounding everything about weddings, from the proposal to the ceremony itself, have changed somewhat. The Mosaical law did not require that a father be asked to give permission to a man to marry his daughter, but it did give a father the right to halt a marriage that was forced because a man had raped an un-engaged woman (Exodus 22:16-17; Deuteronomy 22:28-29). make your dreams come true, you know what im saying? It is still considered a sign of respect that you ask the bride’s father, or mother, for their consent. If you have not had the opportunity to meet your girlfriend’s parents before deciding to ask them for her hand in marriage, wait until after you have to ask for their permission to marry. The groom would approach his future father-in-law and ask for his permission to marry his daughter. It is indeed traditional to ask a woman’s father if you can marry her, because traditionally, marriage was a property transfer – with you, the bride, as the property. It is not really permission a man is seeking when he asks his future in-laws for their daughter’s hand in marriage; the man is honoring them by observing a long-lived tradition and showing them respect by pretending to ask their permission. you did not ask his permission and then hers, you just asked his, and if he thought it was a good move he would give his daughter to you. I think more of a heads up rather than asking permission would do if the person asking felt it necessary.” READ MORE: How to write a flawless father of the bride speech Father … If, however your daughter or her boyfriend or believes this tradition is a nice touch that will help cement in-law favor, be prepared with ideas about how to respond to your future son-in-law. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission to marry their partner. He however still refuses. This involves more than a quick “Oh by the way, can I marry your daughter” during halftime. If you want to marry my daughter, you bloody well ought to be able to pay for her, was the thinking. One tradition that has been slowly fading away from Western society is asking a woman’s father for her hand in marriage. Having said all that, it's pretty dumb to conclude that the guy is looking for money simply because of asking permission. In 2014, the guys most likely to ask for permission are those least likely to need it. This is a fantastic question, and one that I’ve found myself asking for a little while now. If I have a daughter in the future and a guy asked me, I'd imagine I'd take the piss out of him a d tell him to fuck off and ask my daughter because I don't have any say in her lovelife. We are talking about getting engaged, I asked if he was gonna talk to my dad. Her parents live about 400 miles away and I have been in the mindset that you ask the parents for permission. Aaron May 86,528 views. The tradition of asking her parents for permission dates back at least as far as Genesis 29 when Jacob asked Laban for Rachel’s hand. Hey, I have been arguing with my bf lately. If the marriage did take place, the man was not allowed to divorce his wife for any reason. A wet-behind-the-ears bachelor would be expected to discuss his finances with his prospective father-in-law. The traditional reason was that a man would ask a father for his daughter's hand in marriage to state that he could afford a wife and maybe someday a family. Many argue that the whole idea smacks of sexism and chauvinism and harks back to times when women were treated like chattel. Nor is the dad in the song the only one not exactly prioritizing etiquette. I have a bit of a delimemma. I have asked her what her parents would think, should we get engaged. I explained how it is the respectfull thing to do, and it is what my family does and he should also respect that. Asking father in law for permission to marry his daughter - Duration: 4:54. Asking the father's permission to marry his daughter is hopelessly outdated yet remains an absolute essential part of the rituals of marriage, says Rupert Uloth. The old rule goes all the way to a time when marriage was up to the bride’s family, not so much the bride herself. Of course, that is not the case today. The 3 Month’s Salary Rule. Another part of this traditional process was that the groom would ask the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter. Instead, grooms are asking for the dad’s ‘blessing’ before getting down on one knee. They, likewise, will feel more comfortable granting approval to the marriage if you are not meeting them for the first time when asking their permission to marry their daughter. The decision to do it or not may cause some friction or strain depending on what your partner’s parents expect. There’s a deep tradition of men asking fathers for permission to marry their daughters. More than likely, his daughter no longer lives under his roof and is already shacked up with her husband-to-be. Even with the change of context, the asking the father part of the tradition has maintained its relevance in a number of relationships. No parent wants to know that their daughter is going to have a life of poverty. Some of you may consider this an antiquated tradition, but both my and Ashley's families are quite traditional, so this was an important rite of passage. The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. In fact, the tradition dates back all the way to biblical times. I am caucastion and my american born chinese girlfriend and I live together and we are getting to the point that I want to ask her to marry me, and I know she will say yes. Asking for the bride's hand became popular in the 18th century, said Coontz, when "you could marry for love, but the men were still in charge of their daughters. Many couples today feel that the old, time-honored titration of the hopeful groom asking a parent's permission to marry her daughter is antiquated. Is it a quaint tradition that refuses to die out? Get ready for a shock… there is no legitimate historical reason for this particular tradition. He straight away said no, that he is marrying me, not my parents. it comes from way back in the day when a girl was her fathers property. A groom asking the father-in-law for permission to marry his daughter comes from a time when women had little autonomy. The “daughter sale” evolved into a non-monetary tradition of asking the father before proposing. 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